Saturday, May 07, 2005

Cheating Stereotype

I've always been aware of one of the stereotypes out there that television and men-bashers love to play on that men are born cheaters. One thing very few people are aware of is that Woman statistically cheat on men more often, and more women cheat on their men then the vice versa. The reson men get such a bad rap, is to be brutally honest, women are smarter about it. When a guy cheats on his girlfriend, wife, or whomever is special enough that fooling around with someone else can be construed as cheating, He usually is pretty happy about it, his next few days will change, he may brag about it to his friends, he might leave condom wrappers lying around, he may have bought her dinner, movie, things like that. Dumb things that show up on his visa bill, things that a little poking around his place will identify, things that by hanging aroud his social groups you can find out.

However, when a girl cheats on her boyfriend, women have one major advantage, it's the GUY "under the gentleman must pay for everything" stereotype (Don't get me wrong, I love paying for my girlfriend when I can, I just don't think it should HAVE to be that way, we are BOTH human), who pays for the meals, and anything like that. Leaving the girl with less of a paper trail to cover up, the guy and the girl usually (but not always) prefer to go to the guys place for a night of mutually slashing her boyfriend's heart, and when she's done she can use sexual leverage (or other ways) to keep him pretty shut up about it. Then she tells no one, not her best friend, not her boyfriend, not anyone, she doesn't even talk to the person she cheated WITH about it unless she plans to do it again. And as if all this wasn't enough to give them a homefield advantage, When a guy cheats on a girl, everyone quickly sides witht he girl, pampering her, giving her sympathy, bashing him, and all that. When a girl cheats on a guy, the guy doesn't always make it so public, some guys are so ego-centric that they don't hardly tell anyone, and for the rest of the time, a few friends might do some women bashing once or twice at the bar or at work, but honestly, they don't care becuase of a macho-stereotype.

I know there are girls out there who have been savagely cheated on by some really bad guys out there who are players, but the reason that's such a big story, and a popular bash when it happens is because men are so utterly stupid about it, they do all the goundwork, but after they get what they want they pack up and leave, they get dressed and go home, they send the girl home, or they simply ditch the girl and forget about it. After they have gotten off, they want nothing more to do with it. But when a girl is finished, she actually cleans up after herself, she workes to conceal what has happened. She follows up.

Don't misunderstand one thing, This doesn't apply to everyone, some girls cheat and are quite open about it, and some men couldn't be better about cheating. There are a few men out there who can't stand cheating, who couldn't live with themselves to cheat one someone they love, who don't even fantasize about celebrities, who could have 100 naked, hormone raging, beutiful, sexy, women chasing him, wanting him, and who would honestly rather be snuggling with their girlfriend (don't beleive me, try me). And I'm sure that at least 1 women somewhere on this planet Might like to be loyal to only the one their with and has no interest in someone else at any time. I'm not saying everyone cheats. I'm just saying that sometimes the stereotypes can be skewed a little bit.

Remember those childhood dumb games about who's smarter, women or men. I beleive that neither is generally more intelligent, I beleive that "GENERALLY SPEAKING" Men are more sports adept, more technologically capable, mecanically capable, and that women are more socially capable, more psychologically manipulative, and more esthetically knowlagable. Keeping in mind that what I'm saying may sound sexist, but it's no more sexist than "The gentleman should always pay" or "men cheat more then women" Aren't those sexist? Of course they are sexist, they are not only sexist, they are grossly wrong, and If you can say those, then I can put these true and honest points on the table and be no worse.

Now I'm not trying to bash women, but what I AM trying to push forth is that I'm very tired of being the guy who never cheats, never even wants to cheat, and gets accused of being that type of guy, having people assume it's what I'll do, and being labled as a person who will stop at nothing to do the one thing that disgusts me most. I've been cheated on BY the majority of the women I've dated, and I've never cheated on a single one, I've been accused of it a couple of times, and I've had to fight to prove it wrong each time. The girls however, cheat on my, and I have to Fight to prove they did, even to them, when they knew they did, and even when they ended up admitting it to me, most people found it difficult to beleive that that many girls would cheat on me, and I've never cheated. Why is this so hard to beleive? Simply because I'm a guy, and the stereotype is, guys cheat more then women.

I wish people cared more about the people they choose to date. If you want to have a relationship where your free to screw any other thing that walks, then DON'T BE GIRLFRIEND AND BOYFRIEND, Be Friends with benefits, THAT'S what it's for, I'm not saying that friends with benefits is a good and right thing to do, but at least both people know what it is, no one's lieing to each other, it's not commiting to someone, and then cheating, there's no relationship to cheat on. At least it's honest enough not to pretend it's something it's not just to end up savagly hurting someone.

Another reason men cheating is such a big deal, elaborates on a point I made earlier, when women are cheated on, not only do they get all the sympathy, but it's a huge emotional thing. when men are cheated on, a few of them cry (myself included, and I'm not ashamed to admit it), but most of them keep it all in, they may go to a bar, hang out with friend, bury how they feel, and try their best to get over it. There for when men are cheated on, it's usually only a rumou amoung a social group, when a girl is cheated on, there's everything but a story on the channel 4 news about it.

In closing I want to re-iterate that I'm not trying to women-bash, I'm just trying to both vent my frustrations of being the one who's always blamed for the very things that I'm a victum of, and have never perpatrated, and to imform people that they stereotype isn't always true. If stereotypes were always true, then every man would be good at sports, every women would be weak, every black person wuold steal, every indian would gamble, everyone would loose their driving ability as soon as their hair turned gray, and the world would be a different hell then it is today. But none of these stereotypes are true. I'm a man and I'm no good at sports, I know some very athletic women, Skin color means absolutly nothing, same with ethnic background (when I say it means nothing, I mean it doesn't make you a good or bad person, not that it's a good idea to discard your heritage), Some people are compitent drivers well into their late years, and stereotypes abroad are usually quite wrong and used as a way for either television to help structure entertainment (at realities expence) or used as yet another manipulation tool (somestimes used by the very women who cheat, to help their case). There's not much else I can say really. But if this text offends you because you feel that your an honest person who doesn't cheat, never cheated, and could never cheat, then GREAT! Leave me a comment, I'd love to get to know you. And In that extremely scarce and rare circumstance, I apologise to you specifically, but keep in mind that I'm talking about genders in a general sence. And with the exception of those who have cheated on me, and those who I have known to cheat, I'm not talking about anyone specifically.

The underlying problem is that people just don't care enough. And the paradox of it is, the few who do care enough, are hurt, by those who don't, or by each other mistaking them for the many who don't.

- DJ D-Nyed. (Steven Wells)